Thursday, May 13, 2010

Clearman's North Wood's Inn

I have to admit I'm a bit apprehensive to sit down and write this one. I've been putting it off for a couple days now, because, well, this is a big one. In fact THE biggest that we've tackled so far. I mean, this is it, this is where the namesake Wasted On Steak was birthed. So you can understand my nervousness to bring this to you.

But it's game time now. Time to step up to the plate and like the Sultan of Swat, call the shot. And so from the deepest, darkest dungeons that are our small intestines, Wasted On Steak presents to you, the one, the only, Clearman's North Wood's Inn.

Now up until this post there's been a lot of talk about "great" and "heavenly" and what not, but today is where we separate royalty (that would be us) from mere peasants (yeah, you guessed it, YOU). It used to be a well known fact that the bigger the belly, the sweeter the juice. Those were simpler times. When a man wasn't measured by his wallet size, but by his belt size, and by the fact that he couldn't see over his round, mound of a gut. Well, walking out of Northie's you're guaranteed to feel sweeter than a chocolate souffle covered in pixie-stix (yeah, I know, sounds amazing right?).

Enough talk of walking out, lets make our way in. And when you do burst through those heavy, wooden double-doors, underneath the snow-covered roof of the North Wood's Inn, you find your first step into a puddle of peanut shells. Yes, that's right, peanut shells.

Don't waste any time my friend. Flatten that fanny on a beautifully carved tree stump, grab a paw full of peanuts, and follow the rules. Throw those shells on the floor with some attitude and slug it down with a quick beer while you wait for your operating table.

As you head to your work station the warm, comforting sound of peanut shells crunching beneath your boots may distract you, don't let it, be sure to take in the stuffed Moose head mounted on the wall next to the rifle that killed it. Welcome Home.

It's time to get serious now. For starters, a 32oz Newcastle Brown.

(The lifeblood of man)

Take a quick glance at the wood-carved menu of meat and get ready to order.

"Good evening, I will be masticating on the Prime Rib Eye. Yes, medium rare is fine. And a baked potato bursting at the seams with your finest buttery cheese sauce."

(Prime Rib Eye & Baked Potato with Cheese Sauce)

"My turn? Fine. Lumberjack Large. Medium Rare. Potato. Butter. Sour cream. And more beer."

(Lumberjack Large & Baked Potato stuffed with butter, sour cream, and salad)

Hold on sweetheart, don't go choking on that prime cut just yet. We still have some minor things to get out of the way first. And by minor I only mean the best damn salad you'll ever curse yourself for eating. Times two. That's right two bowls of bottomless salad. One bowl holds the greens, and the other the purples, cabbage that is.

We here at Wasted On Steak have our own food consuming dream. In which our salads play together on the same plate, get picked up by the same fork, and go down in the same bite. So follow us on this crusade of desegregating salad bowls and mix those two beautiful colors together. It is well worth it. And while you're at it pick up a lonely cheese bread to spread it on.

(Purples, Greens, and Cheese before)

(And after)

After three plates of literally the best salad you'll ever have, accompanied with three slices of perfectly toasted cheese bread you may be wanting to tap out. If you do, just get up and walk home now because you don't deserve a ride.

Steak. Steak. Steak. And one more Steak. And a rack of ribs. Here we go. Not much to say, just slide into a pair of your favorite stretchy pants and enjoy the ride. Go ahead and click on a pic for an extreme close-up.

Let's start the ride with the tenderest of cuts, the king Filet. Are you kidding me? Look at that. Sooo Noiiiiiccccceeee!

(Filet Mignon & Baked Potato with Cheese Sauce)

Or maybe you're feeling like you want to dress it up a bit. Maybe put a little lipstick on that cow. Well I think you've found the perfect shade of Golden Onions to paint on that Sirloin. Oh Papa.

(Ground Sirloin Steak with Grilled Onions & Baked Potato)

Just take a long look at these beautiful ribs. Oh Babu! What more could you possibly want. And onion rings!!! Get out of here!

(Rack of Ribs with Onion Rings & Baked Potato with Cheese Sauce)

I know what you want, maybe some more of the Lumberjack Large. Ok. Well here you go, take a look at it's innards. You could slice through this with the dullest of axes.

(Inside of the Lumberjack Large)

Or maybe you want to sneak another peak at the Prime Rib Eye. I know I do. Look at this bite jumping off the screen at you. Watch out. Imagine if this was in 3D. You'd need a bib to stay dry.

(A bite of Prime)

Well folks, I think you've had enough for one day. Maybe even the week. This was one for the record books, without an asterisk. So take your time and enjoy, eat and drink and be happy, because after all, life is too short to not eat meat.

We leave you with some parting shots.

(Game Face)

(Mangled on Meat)

Until next time.
Wasted On Steak


  1. and sako creams his pants

  2. That just made me really hungry. You guys brought your A game on that one! Is that the place with the fake snow on the roof?

  3. it sure is my man. absolutely amazing meal from top to bottom.